Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
