I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
