He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sext me about skeletons
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize