i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
