Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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