Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This baby is an asshole
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
