too bad you live with your parents still
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
