Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
