i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
