I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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