I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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