at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
