Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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