It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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