Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
