Where is the hickey?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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