will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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