I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
