Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
