that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
