I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
