Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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