I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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