i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I supernannyed him into submission
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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