At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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