I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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