Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
