When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
