Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
