Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
