Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
