I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
