the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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