If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
