If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
