i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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