I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
