Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize