CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
