ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
