yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
