Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All the doctor said was why
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
