I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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