You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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