Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
