I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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