When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
