This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
