And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
