Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Two words: nipple clamps
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