Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
