I think I won the penis lottery.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
