I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
