dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
