I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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