just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
