somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
