yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
