so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
