The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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