Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
