i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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