I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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