i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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