Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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