don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
