Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
