What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
