OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think people are normalizing furries
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
