So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's always time for handjobs
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
