At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
