I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
