What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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