she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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