Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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