I wish I only lived at night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're like the curious george of whores
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
