Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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