And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
