What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
